


I Love You, I Hate You

by noodlerdoodler



Series: Of Yellow and Purple [3]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Implied Sexual Content, M/M, fluff mainly, one or two mentions of smoking, usual tags tbh
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-05
Updated: 2015-10-05
Packaged: 2018-04-24 22:24:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,317
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4937482
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/noodlerdoodler/pseuds/noodlerdoodler
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Sol..." The Aquarius's hand creeps over and comes to rest on Sollux's chest, tracing circles of different sizes on it; it makes him chuckle softly and Eridan's chest burns with love for him, making the question all the more difficult to ask, "Are... Are you happy?"</p>
<p>For a long moment, there's no response and he's worried that Sollux has drifted off to sleep. Then, his boyfriend lets out a long sigh like he's taking a drag on those stupid cigarettes that he enjoys, and then, he abruptly sits up. Eridan's hand falls limply back onto the bed, pushed off his boyfriend's chest. For a moment, he studies what he can see of Sollux; the long, slouching curve of his back, the curve of his stomach, the side of his face where the moonlight at the window is managing to hit, and it makes Eridan's stomach flip-flop with delight. Then, Sollux leans over and turns the bright light of the bedside table on before turning to him. The light is harsh instead of buttery mellow like the light at Sollux's.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Love You, I Hate You

**Author's Note:**

> I get lonely around this time of year.

One thing that Eridan never realised when he got caught up in this quadrant smearing fuck of a relationship was that his quadrantmate- his _boyfriend_ , he'd started referring to him, picking up the term from Cronus and deciding that it fit pretty well- was that Sollux was an antisocial horny bastard. So, perhaps he HAD known that when he got caught up in this, but he'd never anticipated what it would be like to receive messages late at night demanding that he came over right now (usually followed by a stupid joke about bulges or something, Sollux was such a child sometimes). 

Tonight, he had received one such message around eleven at night, demanding his attention, but had rebuffed. He invited Sollux to come over here instead, since he couldn't be asked to drive over there. 

He always had to wait for the Gemini to contact him first, since it would depend on whether or not he felt up pailing. There were some nights that he just preferred to chat via Trollian and there were some nights that Sollux would rather be left alone. And Eridan supposed that he could understand; he knew that his boyfriend wasn't really a people-person in the same way that he was and that social interaction was hard for him. Still, the nights that no messages popped up made him feel a little sad. Sometimes, he found himself wishing that he knew how to coax Sollux out of his shell- but he supposed that the lowblood had his pair of moirails to help him with that. 

He'd dropped a line to Kar the other day when they'd got chatting. 

CA: kar can you do me a favvour  
CG: IF YOU'RE ASKING FOR SOMEBODY TO DO YOU PAILING FAVOURS, I THINK YOU WILL FIND THAT CAPTOR IS MORE THAN UP FOR IT.  
CA: pfft no  
CA: it wwas about sol though...  
CG: SAVE THE DRAMATICS, OUT WITH IT.  
CA: could you maybe get him to talk more  
CG: WHAT, HE DOESN'T TALK WHEN HE'S GOT YOUR BULGE RAMMED DOWN HIS THROAT?  
CG: INFUCKINGCREDIBLE  
CA: no i mean that he spends too much time inside  
CA: on his owwn  
CA: ignorin my messages  
CG: YOU HAVE TO WAIT FOR HIM TO MESSAGE YOU FIRST, DOUCHEFUCK.  
CA: i knoww  
CA: but i don't wwant to  
CG: YOU'RE A NEEDY FUCKER, AMPORA.  
CG: BUT I'LL TALK TO HIM. 

Sollux had been a little sweeter since then, since he was more likely to start out a date properly. Normally, he skipped right to the pailing but sometimes there would be pizza and a movie first on his couch. Sollux's hand would normally start creeping onto his thigh during the more boring scenes- Eridan always slapped him away if it was a movie he liked. He was not missing Harry Potter, not even for pailing. Today was not a date day, today they got right down to business. Before Sollux could even get his foot in the door, he had Eridan pushed up against the living block's wall with Sollux on top of him, kissing and biting at him furiously, sparks coming from him at regular intervals and tugging at his clothes. 

Luckily, tonight they'd made it as far as the respiratory block before they'd torn each other's clothes off with reckless abandon- Sollux cheated by using his psionics, as far as Eridan was concerned- hissing and snarling at each other. Now, he was lying on top of Sol and sweating enough to fill another whole bucket and it wasn't too pleasant. It was kind of gross, he thought privately. He didn't mind too much, however, because his boyfriend was just as slick with sweat and burning hot and his arms were wrapped tightly around him. They needed the warmth in the cold hive. Every now and again, Sollux plants several lazy kisses on Eridan's skin and his lips were warm against him, like a million suns, and it makes Eridan grin at him. 

"I hate you." 

Kiss.

"I love you." 

Kiss.

"Fuck you, Ampora." 

Kiss. 

Until they were too tired to kiss anymore. 

For a long time afterwards, Eridan jus lies there and listens to the gentle sound of Sollux's breathing reverting back to normal as he relaxes. As his heartbeat comes to a steady thump in his chest instead of trying to race away from him, he lies comfortably and hears nothing but the sound of his boyfriend inhaling and exhaling, inhaling and exhaling, inhaling and exhaling. It's a reassurance that he's there and he's not going to abandon him the same way that everybody else seemed to. He's not leaving, he's there. The quiet sound of him breathing, the feel of his chest rising and falling, it's like a silent promise to stay. And yet still, Eridan worries. 

"Sol." His voice sounds so loud in the quiet, as does the sound of him turning over in the bed. Under their joint weight, it creaks and the covers make a gentle swooshing sound as he pulls them with him. Sollux doesn't need any covers, he's already warm enough on his own. Still, sometimes he'll slip under with Eridan and those are the best nights because he gets to hold him in his arms, wrap himself around him, and trap him so that he can't get up. He's pleasantly warm as always and Eridan loves the feeling of the fire against his skin. It's so very... Sollux. 

Of course, the downside is getting kicked awake at four in the morning because Sollux has to get up and piss, which is less pleasant but tolerable if it means he gets cuddles through the long nights. (The other downside is that he'll feel Sollux shifting with his nightmares, but they don't like to discuss this very often.) 

The swooshing sound of the nice covers annoys him for whatever reason, making him flinch a little, and he remembers why they normally do this over at Sollux's hive. Whilst Eridan's belongings, his entire hive and everything in it, are the most expensive and nicest on the market, he's slowly growing to dislike them. While Sollux's hive is cheap and his clothes are cheap and his bed is cheap, cheap, cheap, everything he owns just seems so much comfortable. His clothes are all badly worn and full of holes but they're soft and comfortable and it's the same with his bed; the sheets are old ones with bees patterned on them but they're nicer to sleep in than these dumb silk ones. The sheets are much softer and if Eridan can't sleep, he can trace the pattern of the bees and smile happily at them. 

"Mhm?" Sollux doesn't even bother turning to look at him and there's no way of knowing if he's listening or not, as usual. It's generally quite tricky to know if he's paying attention and half the time, Eridan is certain that he isn't but he rambles on anyway. He's always surprised when Sollux actually remembers one of his midnight rambles and can quote it word for word back at him the next day. One or twice, he's just mumbled something about having a good memory and shrugged it off. Eridan will never admit how impressive he finds it. 

"Sol..." The Aquarius's hand creeps over and comes to rest on Sollux's chest, tracing circles of different sizes on it; it makes him chuckle softly and Eridan's chest burns with love for him, making the question all the more difficult to ask, "Are... Are you happy?" 

For a long moment, there's no response and he's worried that Sollux has drifted off to sleep. Then, his boyfriend lets out a long sigh like he's taking a drag on those stupid cigarettes that he enjoys, and then, he abruptly sits up. Eridan's hand falls limply back onto the bed, pushed off his boyfriend's chest. For a moment, he studies what he can see of Sollux; the long, slouching curve of his back, the curve of his stomach, the side of his face where the moonlight at the window is managing to hit, and it makes Eridan's stomach flip-flop with delight. Then, Sollux leans over and turns the bright light of the bedside table on before turning to him. The light is harsh instead of buttery mellow like the light at Sollux's. 

"Eridan." He's surprisingly gentle, no doubt mid-flushed mood as he normally is at this time of night. During the day, he's more pitch towards Eridan and constantly pissed off at him and they take it in turns to sneer at each other. Sometimes, it feels an awful like an elaborate façade or just a play that they're acting out and it's that feeling that makes Eridan wonder what it is that they're doing. What the fuck this mess even is? Because as much as he tries to forget about quadrants, he can't and he finds himself sorting everything they do into either pitch or flushed. Like the softness in Sollux's tone now, that's flushed. The usual sharpness is pitch. 

"Eridan, you haven't been thinking about VK again, have you? Or FF?" Sollux doesn't even make it sound mean, doesn't even make it sound like he's jealous, he just slumps over his knees and stares at Eridan with those big, brightly coloured eyes. Without his glasses on, Sollux's eyes seem large and shiny and dangerous. But now, there's sweetness in them. It's only as he's staring that Eridan realises that he's meant to be thinking of some kind of answer to his question. Breaking his gaze away, he tries to pretend that he needs to think about it, when really he already knows the answer: yes. 

Yes, he does think about Vriska almost constantly. He sees her whenever Sollux glares at him, he sees a flicker of her in his eyes, and he thinks _if she were here, she'd break my nose right now and laugh about it_. The ceruleanblood is never far from his mind and he blames her mind control for that. Sometimes, he wonders if because she messed with her brain so often, she addled it somehow so that his thoughts can't move far from her. What a bitch. 

As for Feferi, he doesn't think about her so often. In fact, it's been a while since he even remembered the sweeps that he sacrificed for her and how he'd worked hard for her, only to be rejected when he admitted his feelings to her. He doesn't see her in the pitch feelings but in the red ones. When Sollux joins him on the couch with his husktop and drapes a blanket around the pair of them, that's when he sees Feferi. When he's grinning at Eridan widely, when he's proud of him or glad for him, he thinks of Feferi. Because that's the way that she had looked at him, when she'd paled for him, before everything had gone horribly wrong. 

"No." He opts to lie but it's useless because Sollux can see straight through him anyway and frowns at his answer like he's said the wrong thing- because, of course, he has. 

"ED." 

" _Are_ you happy?" Eridan pushes, still eager for an answer. He knows what he'll say, of course. 

"No." That's not what Eridan was expecting and it must have shown in the way that he flinched back, because Sollux hastily continues to explain, "But it's not because of you. Well, it is and it isn't.... I keep... Sgrub..." He frowns and looks away from Eridan, staring across the room at where his husktop sits in it's pride of place. That game. He's thinking about the game again. The game is Sollux's Vriska. When he mentions the game, Eridan can tell that he's having those awful thoughts again. Of course, Sollux being the self-loathing idiot that he is, he blames the majority of the mistakes they made during the game on himself. 

"Are you still having nightmares about it?" 

"I don't think I'm ever going to stop having nightmares about it. It's burned into my think-pan." Sollux doesn't have to consider this, falling back so that he's propped up on his elbows now, "ED, I love you and all-" His bloodpusher leaps, "But-" And it falls, "-I don't really want to talk about it with you. I promise I'll call KK or AA in the morning but... Please, can we just stop discussing it and rest?" He's clearly eager to get off the subject, which means that there will be no further discussion of it. Eridan doesn't like to upset his boyfriend, who tends to explode with electricity when he's pissed, and whines about migraines afterwards. More than once, after Sollux has ignored him for half a perigree, Eridan will venture over and find that he's trashed the place with his stupid red and blue sparks. 

"Sure." This seems to satisfy Sollux, who leans in and presses his burning hot lips up against Eridan. He's like wildfire burning it's way through a mass of trees, destroying everything in his path. He's like bees, sharp and dangerous if you anger them. No, he's hornets because he can swarm and destroy and his hands are hot as they trace over Eridan, trailing lines across his shoulders. Sol leaves a trail of heat across his skin, making Eridan shudder in delight and disgust. He never quite knows whether he's supposed to love him or hate him and he supposed that it shows. He decides it's both and bites hard enough on Sollux's ear to draw blood as he leans in for another kiss. 

A quiet hiss escapes from in between Sollux's teeth, spraying spit because of his split tongue, and Eridan can't help rolling his eyes. Over the years, he's managed to lose his nervous stammer through a mix of therapeutic advice he read on the Internet and pure determination that he didn't want to sound like an idiot anymore. He's lost his weird habit of stuttering over his w's and v's but Sollux's lisp is familiar and just as soothing as it is annoying. During the bad days, it makes him sound like a snake slithering through grass; during the good days, it makes him sound like the simmer of a kettle on the stove. Today is a good day and Eridan grins, making kissy sounds at him until Sollux pecks him on the lips a final time. 

"I'm going to go to sleep now." Sollux murmurs against his lips, pulling away so that he can switch the stupid lamp that sits on his bedside table off. Like the sheets, Eridan originally thought of it as being quite fanciful looking but now he misses the hideous yellow lamp that Sollux has at his hive. He also misses the stupid glow-in-the-dark stars that Sollux has pinned ironically or perhaps unironically to his ceiling. Whether they're ironic or not, they're comforting to stare at during the long hours of the night that it takes for Eridan to drop off into sleep. His own purple ceiling seems more like a harsh, dark cloud over his head. And now, he's suddenly aware that he hates his entire hive. 

"Sollux? Hey, Sol, are you still awake?" He pokes at the softness flesh of his boyfriend's side, hoping that he's still awake and hasn't dropped off in the long moment of silence, "I need to talk to you about something, it can't wait until morning. I'll change my mind if we wait until morning." 

"Mhmm?" comes the sleepy mumble from Sollux, who doesn't bother sitting up, but curls closer to Eridan instead. He feels a leg creep it's way around his torso and a pair of arms sliding around his neck, pulling him in so that he can only smell the gentle scent of Sollux. He doesn't smell nice- he smells of geneslime and nicotine and cotton t-shirts and honey- and Eridan hates him and loves him for it. Either way, he finds it strangely appealing and keens appreciatively. He knows that Sollux hates to hear the noise, claims it reminds him of the sounds the spirits he used to hear made, and sure enough, he's smacked lightly on the shoulder in punishment. He smirks. 

"Sol, I hate it here." He can feel the just as hot breath of his boyfriend against his neck, brushing against the side of his face; his breathing sounds oddly clammy, probably because geneslime was designed to fill pails, not to be swallowed. It makes his breath sound different to usual but Eridan isn't put off, pressing a long kiss to his jaw. "Sol, I want to move in with you." 

There's a long pause and he begins to worry that his boyfriend is asleep after all. "Why the hell would you want to move in with me? You've got this... This fancy fuck of a hive and my hive... My hive's a shithole. Plus, I thought you hated it..." Eridan did recall saying that he hated the yellowblood's hive sometime after his stayed the night, when he was looking through the scarce cupboards for something to eat. He remembered that he'd been grumbling because Sollux's psionics had shattered yet another lightbulb, meaning that yet another room was lit poorly by the yellow sunlight that streamed through the curtains during the daytime- strangely, this yellow sunlight was much safer than the green sunlight troll bodies couldn't cope with. And he remembered snapping at him and Sollux retorting that he wasn't made of money and suddenly, they were sprawled on the kitchen counter. 

"I love your shithole of a hive." Eridan admits, sheepishly, "I like your bed and your bedside lamp and the stupid glow-in-the-dark stars. I even like your stupid fucking bees that you keep in your living block." At first, he'd hated those stupid creatures and the way that they buzzed in and out of the jive during the night. But it had been months and he'd adjusted to the gentle sound of the humming as they buzzed around contently. He knew all the sounds of Sollux's hive- the bees flying around, the train that passed behind the hive at two in the morning, again at four, the sound of birds screeching in the morning, the gentle sound of Sollux breathing underneath him or on top of him. He knew the sounds and he loved them. 

"I like you, you pretentious ass." Sollux lisps, tired against Eridan and pressing his face close to his, "I like seeing your stupid hair products in my ablutions block and your ugly clothes in my respiratory block and your fucking Harry Potter books stacked up in my living room. But I would like you an awful lot more if you'd go to sleep and stop talking bullshit. You're only feeling nostalgic because you're tired, y'know." 

"But can I move in with you?" 

"Yeah, if you let me rest now. I've got work tomorrow, remember?" Eridan vaguely remembered Sollux saying that he needed to go into the office to discuss an upcoming coding project with his co-worker, Roxy, and felt guilty for keeping him awake so long. He'd forgotten that Sollux would have to get up early tomorrow and he nipped at him lightly in apology, shifting to adjust his arms so they could wrap around Sol's waist. His boyfriend seemed to accept this and Eridan decided he'd make breakfast to say sorry. Or even just nip out and buy breakfast from that place that Sollux liked. That would probably be easier. 

"Yeah, okay. G'night, Sol." 

"Goodnight, Eridan." 

"I love you." 

"I love you too." 

"And I hate you."

"I hate you too." 

"Seriously, get out." The pair of them snicker. 

"Asshole." Sollux mumbles. 

"Douche."

"Fuck you."

And they continue exchanging insults, until the pair of them fall asleep, bodies locked together; ice against fire, warmth against cold, land against sea, love against hate, roughness against gentleness, Gemini against Aquarius, purple against yellow.


End file.
